Parents tell daughter that she is too lazy to make it on her own, she refuses to house them when they go into debt years later: '[They] still treat me like a failure'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 9, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

For many, buying a first home is much more than just a financial milestone; it's proof that all those long hours, sacrifices, and penny-pinching finally paid off. For one woman, closing on her very own house was especially meaningful as she grew up being told for years by her parents that she'd never make it on her own. Instead of celebrating her accomplishment, they laughed in her face when she announced that she was officially a homeowner. They belittled her, calling her lazy, and told her that it wouldn't last long.

Now, less than a year later, the tables have turned. Her parents are facing evictoin and want to more in "temporarily" with her and her boyfriend. Despite literally begging for her help, they continue treating her like a failure, making her less than enthusiastic to come to their aid. However, her siblings are piling on the guilt, insisting that it is her responsibility to take them in because she's the most successful. 

In the culture that I grew up in, parents usually move in with their kids. There is something of a reciprocal relationship in this arrangement; the parents get taken care of in their old age, and they help with childcare, housework, or even passing down family traditions. My grandmother lived with my dad's brother and help raise my cousins. But in this woman's case, her parents aren't offering companionship or help. Instead, they're bringing the same negativity and disrespect that pushed her away in the first place.

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  • 01

    WIBTA if I don't let my parents move into my house after they spent years telling me I'd "never make it on my own"?

    Older couple holding up a key
    via perfectwave

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    (29F) bought my first home last year after working two jobs and saving aggressively. Growing up, my parents constantly told me I was "too lazy" and "not smart
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  • 03
    enough" to ever live independently. When I announced I bought a house, they literally laughed and said, "We'll see how long that lasts."
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  • 04
    Older couple fazing into each others' eyes and smiling
    via perfectwave

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    Fast forward: my dad (62) recently lost his job, and my mom (60) never worked outside the home. They're in debt and about
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  • 06
    to lose their rental. They now want to move into my house "temporarily." Problem is, I live in a two-bedroom with my
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  • 07
    boyfriend, and the idea of cohabiting with my parents, who still treat me like a failure, stresses me out.
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  • 08
    My siblings think it's "my duty" as the one who's "doing well." I feel guilty, but also resentful. WIBTA if I told them no?
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  • 09
    Woman with her arms crossed and an angry expression
    via bowie15 from Getty Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    redtree-forever01 Just tell them it wouldn't be to their high standards. Live your life in peace.
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  • 11
    herroyalsadness "I'm sorry mom and dad. I'm simply too lazy and stupid to house you".
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  • This here is the best move, to just play into it and throw their words right back at them.

  • 12
    Puzzled Master And then hit them with, "Guess you were right all along!"
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  • 13
    GetOffMyAsteroid "I'm awful to live with. I'm ungrateful and I'm a failure and heartless and r de and stuff. Why would you want to live in a little 2 bedroom with me, I'll make you miserable! Go room with my siblings, they're the little angels!"
    via u/GetOffMyAsteroid
  • 14
    Quiet-Pebble52 Fr, that's such a smooth way to put it. Honestly after the way they treated her, I wouldn't blame her one bit for setting that boundary. Peace > guilt any day.
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  • 15
    Spacer_Spiff NTA. Why don't siblings put up parents if it's a childs duty?
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  • 16
    Prestigious_Ad_9093 Sounds like the siblings are all in a similar situation. This is a "crabs in a bucket" situation.
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  • 17
    Wandering_aimlessly9 I've never heard of "crabs in a bucket." Can you explain this saying please?
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  • 18
    Spacer_Spiff Each crab tries to get out of the bucket, pulling the others. back down.
    via u/Spacer_Spiff

  • “Crabs in a bucket” is the perfect description for what is going on here. It sounds like these parents didn't prepare their kids for adulthood at all, in part because they were too focused on belittling them.

  • 19
    R de Vermicelli2268 YWNBTA They are old enough to figure it out. And if at their big ages the only person they can
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    turn to for help is their child who they have consistently denigrated, they aren't living their lives right.
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    More importantly if they need living assistance at their ages you will probably never get them out.
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  • 22
    They are also unlikely to have retirement savings. What happens if your dad can't get a comparable job? They will be your burden for life because "family".
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  • 23
    simplyexistingnow Nope don't do it. If it was a temporary situation they would have already solved the problem where they are at currently. Them
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  • 24
    moving in with you will not solve their problem it will just push it off to you to have to deal with. I honestly would never let
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    someone live with me especially if you don't have some sort of rental agreement in place. Honestly they should go buy like a camper before they should move into your house.
    via u/simplyexistingnow

Tags

relationship advice family drama entitled parents adulting relationships parenting dad adulthood entitled family daughter mom parents entitled people
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